Monday 6 July 2020

The imposter's guide to imposter syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a concept that is having its time in the sun. Although first christened almost forty years ago in a professional article, it seems positively de-rigeur. Diagnostic concepts come and go but the extent to which they take root in the popular imagination is an indication of how far they speak to broader social phenomena. This one co-exists with increasing awareness of gendered discrimination in the work place. The article linked above is about women's experience specifically, and a recent book (Valerie Young's The secret thoughts of successful women) has expanded on the theme. Perhaps imposter syndrome might be recast as a description of the way that women have been made to feel by male dominated professional spaces.

Its widespread acknowledgment means there are some self-help interventions out there for chronic self doubters, with a dedicated website (impostersyndrome.com, the companion to Young's book) leading the way. These interventions tend to focus on a version of cognitive re-structuring, with a large helping of positive self talk. We are encouraged to "learn to think like non-impostors" by engaging in self directed pep talks. Techniques like saying out loud that we are awesome, or making a list of "at least 10 things that show you are just as qualified as anyone else for the role you are seeking." This kind of approach involves entering into an argument with yourself about the reality of whether you are or are not in fact an imposter.

Having been through that self-argumentative cycle myself multiple times, it seems to me that the big problem with debating yourself out of imposter syndrome is the corrosive skeptical worry that you might be wrong. This doesn't need to feel plausible, only possible. On self examination I can easily find areas of relevant knowledge I feel I don't have, and evidence of times I failed to meet a relevant personal standard. "OK" I tell myself, "but everyone has limitations and failures." "Yes" I snap back, "but yours are worse!"

At this point it has helped me to notice what I am up to. I suspect a degree of characterological inclination toward self-sabotage; an overly aggressive super-ego. Here the ruminations on imposter syndrome become a self indulgent cocoon. A "poor me" reclusiveness, a way to hide in an endless cycle of self-abuse and avoid hard work. I have also noticed a decidedly unattractive inclination toward self deprecation in conversations - picking up on my own defects. The result is often reassurance from others, which is presumably the point.

In fact the whole concept of imposter syndrome sets up a specific question ("am I an imposter?") and invites arguments about how to best reach an answer. The dysthymic self attends to evidence that affirms the proposition ("I definitely fouled up in that meeting; "I don't know half of what I need to in order to be competent"; "I can account for all my achievement in terms of luck rather than merit"). The positive therapeutic self is supposed to weigh evidence more favourably. But this is an effortful process, and runs the risk that (without the support of an external voice) you conclude that you are an imposter after all.

I have found it more helpful to engage a gestalt shift in attention that leaves aside the question of whether I really am an imposter. It even leaves room for the possibility that I am. The focus moves instead to the facts of any given professional situation, and to considerations of what ought to be done. Instead of looking in at the person, look out at the parameters of the task, regardless of who is undertaking it.

Viewed this way, the "imposter" question evaporates. It can even be viewed as a convenient evasion.

For the real issue in most professional scenarios is not so much you as the task you confront. The question is not "do I belong?" but "what has to happen?" In work situations you have already been selected for a job. Perhaps there was someone else on the interview shortlist who would have been better at it in some sense. Too bad. It is unlikely that person (or anyone else) can replace you imminently. The ethical thing to do is to work hard and keep your end up in the now. That will probably involve hard work. You certainly cannot save the situation by appeals to the idea you "belong" after all.

Are you going to direct your attention to the job in hand, or are you going to expend energy fretting about whether you really ought to be there? Unless you're in imminent danger of harming people (say, you somehow wound up convincing people to let you perform a surgery or fly a plane without the relevant qualifications), you most likely owe it to those around you to do your job as well as you can.

I realise this approach lacks the positive validating tenor of typical imposter syndrome self help. This is not a comment on the general validity of positive-validating approaches. It is a letter to myself, and so reflects instead my personal preferences. Deliberating over whether I am an imposter has resulted in some half hearted self-praise. But seeing the ways in which that whole game is a distraction has been altogether transformative.